You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
