The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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