i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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