Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
