I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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