Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
