There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
