My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
