Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
