And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize