dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
