How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
