I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The adults are the big ones right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
