YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
