New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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