Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize