probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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