so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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