I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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