Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
