We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
