Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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