I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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