this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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