i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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