If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
