good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
