That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
