I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
