i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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