Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
