soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have post one night stand depression
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
