I'm going to jail i love you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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