Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
