it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
