found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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