Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
