so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
