she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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