dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
