the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
