Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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