u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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