My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
