My hand turned me down
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
