i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
