I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
