you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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