I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
