i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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