just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
