Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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