She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
