i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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