I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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