I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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