Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
