just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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