the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
