this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
