So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
