I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
