Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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