i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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