i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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