I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love having hate sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
