I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
