wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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