Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
