I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?