I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.