I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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