I could have mohawked her pubes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E