i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
