I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual