I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I died a long time ago.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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