Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
