She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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