When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
