by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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