Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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