So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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