If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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