Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
