In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
