He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
