no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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