U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
