I cockslap morals
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
