I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
