How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
