Welp...herpes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
