THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
