Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
