i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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