Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
