Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
