So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
