he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Every concussion has its silver lining
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
