I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
